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 Post subject: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 8:36 am 
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Sons of Thunder
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Over the past few years, the head pastor at my parish has never been friendly to me. On many occasions, I've tried speaking to him, being kind to him, etc. I even spent a four day retreat with him. Just after mass this morning I said good morning to him and he just gave me a dirty look and did not say a word. No exaggeration here, this is the honest to God truth.

Should I:

1. Take this as a hint that I'm not welcomed at this parish and look to move on?

2. Confront him about it? Though I'm not thrilled or comfortable with this idea.

3. Just ignore it, and keep going to mass, and keep focusing on God as the purpose of going to mass? I could always use another exit where the "welcoming" priests aren't standing.

or something else.

I'm starting to regret leaving my last parish. At least the priest was respectful and kind to me at the time that I left. I just hate this. Why can't my journey just be somewhat smooth for once? I'm not perfect, but I've been trying.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:00 am 
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Some people are just not very socialable, I have frequently been accused of being rude, or arrogant or snobby or whatnot because I'm just not very jovial. In response to greetings, I either grunt out a one syllable response or say nothing. When passing someone in the hall, they give me an enthusiastic wave, and I respond with a polite nod of my head, which some see as dismissive, even though it isn't. His response almost certainly has nothing to do with you and is just his personality. To take personally something that isn't intended to be personal is a form of narcissism.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:14 am 
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Doom wrote:
Some people are just not very socialable, I have frequently been accused of being rude, or arrogant or snobby or whatnot because I'm just not very jovial. In response to greetings, I either grunt out a one syllable response or say nothing. When passing someone in the hall, they give me an enthusiastic wave, and I respond with a polite nod of my head, which some see as dismissive, even though it isn't. His response almost certainly has nothing to do with you and is just his personality. To take personally something that isn't intended to be personal is a form of narcissism.


He is very enthusiastic with the people he greets before me. It feels like he makes it a point to let me know he doesn't like me. I think most of us struggle with narcissism at times, but what keeps me going to mass is I constantly tell myself, "You're going for God, that is all that matters." This other thing has just been bothering me a bit. I do see your point, Doom. Thank you for your reply.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:26 pm 
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I look at priests as I look at auto mechanics -- if they can turn my brakes, change my oil and sparkplugs and so on, that's all I can ask of them.

But you MIGHT consider meeting with him and asking him why he's so down on you.


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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:07 pm 
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This is going to come off as harsh, but its not intended too...

What does it really matter? How does him not liking you affect your relationship with Jesus? If it does injure your relationship [with Jesus], why?

Some people just don't like some people. Not everyone is going to like you. Hopefully it's not your priest, but if it is, move on and don't let it bother you.

All of that being said, I'm 100% certain its not something you've done (unless you confessed to him that you killed his brother and he can't do anything about it).

I meant that as a joke.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:17 pm 
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Vern Humphrey wrote:
I look at priests as I look at auto mechanics -- if they can turn my brakes, change my oil and sparkplugs and so on, that's all I can ask of them.


Quite right.

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― Maria Faustina Kowalska, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul


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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:25 pm 
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Peetem wrote:
This is going to come off as harsh, but its not intended too...

What does it really matter? How does him not liking you affect your relationship with Jesus? If it does injure your relationship [with Jesus], why?

Some people just don't like some people. Not everyone is going to like you. Hopefully it's not your priest, but if it is, move on and don't let it bother you.

All of that being said, I'm 100% certain its not something you've done (unless you confessed to him that you killed his brother and he can't do anything about it).

I meant that as a joke.


Everything you mentioned has crossed my mind. Seriously. Maybe I should appreciate the many people who treat me well, and not focus on the few hiccups. I try to treat people well...with respect. When I recognize a problem, my mind immediately goes to "fix the problem" mode. Think I'll just let this go.

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― Maria Faustina Kowalska, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul


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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:36 pm 
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Maybe you (visually) remind him of the bully who picked on him in third grade.

Maybe he is comfortable with people he's known for awhile and not comfortable with you.

Maybe lots of things.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2021 4:46 pm 
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Obi-Wan Kenobi wrote:
Maybe you (visually) remind him of the bully who picked on him in third grade.

Maybe he is comfortable with people he's known for awhile and not comfortable with you.

Maybe lots of things.


Very good points.

And maybe I need to understand that people aren't going to act towards me the way I expect them to 100 percent of the time.

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― Maria Faustina Kowalska, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul


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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2021 10:17 am 
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Mass this morning had very few people, was short, but entirely awesome.

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“Have great confidence; God is always our Father, even when He sends us trials.”
― Maria Faustina Kowalska, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul


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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2021 1:35 pm 
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:pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:

At our last parish, the pastor manifestly had no interest in my family whatsoever. He wasn't quite as openly hostile as your priest evidently is with you, but he was just obviously not in the least bit interested in even learning our names. (Maybe he knew them. I dunno. He never used any of them, for sure.) It wasn't very pleasant. I feel your pain. Frankly, our pastor now doesn't seem especially interested in us, either. But he's from Cameroon and seems in general quite a bit more aloof than your average American priest. So it doesn't really worry me.

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 Post subject: Re: Conflicted. Need help.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2021 2:47 pm 
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gherkin wrote:
:pray: :pray: :pray: :pray:

At our last parish, the pastor manifestly had no interest in my family whatsoever. He wasn't quite as openly hostile as your priest evidently is with you, but he was just obviously not in the least bit interested in even learning our names. (Maybe he knew them. I dunno. He never used any of them, for sure.) It wasn't very pleasant. I feel your pain. Frankly, our pastor now doesn't seem especially interested in us, either. But he's from Cameroon and seems in general quite a bit more aloof than your average American priest. So it doesn't really worry me.


To be fair, my priest is very well liked by most of the parishioners. He's a great speaker, and from what I've observed, treats most people very well, hence me being bothered by it. As long as he's not telling me to leave, I'll just deal with it. It's nice to receive the blessed sacrament again.

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― Maria Faustina Kowalska, Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska: Divine Mercy in My Soul


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