I'm just going to dive right into it - I did some pretty stupid stuff.

My life's been very difficult for the past few months and I've been exhausted, stressed and lonely (relationship-wise). Yesterday a car backed into me and things just aren't easy.

My friends and I hung out last night. There was alcohol involved (I'm of age but didn't want to drink - ended up having 4). When it came time for us to go to bed one of my friends (both of us are guys) and I slept downstairs. We ended up orally experimenting. It was for maybe a minute and a half. I didn't like it, honestly. My friend kissed me and I pushed him away. We talked for 20 min or so about sexuality and stuff. Then right before we went to bed he kept telling me he wanted to do it again. I didn't want to, but we did anyway.

I honestly have been curious for a while and this experience confirmed that I do not like that kind of stuff.

But I've just been feeling disgusting ever since, though. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I went to my church's adoration chapel and couldn't even look at the Blessed Sacrament because I was so ashamed.

I really want to receive Reconciliation before the New Year but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. I want to receive it ASAP anyways.

Can someone just say something to make me not hate myself as much? I straight up feel like crap for doing that and I never want to do it again.

When we sin, the devil likes to tell us what a waste we are. Honestly, he doesn't have to bother telling us. He's got us trained to believe it on our own. Don't believe it. You are a beloved son of God the Father. Jesus died for love of you because you are a sinner, not in spite of your sins.

We have to learn to avoid occasions that we know can lead to doing stupid stuff. Yeah, it might mean we're not one of the cool kids, but better that than wallowing in regret and self-hatred afterward. Satan tempts us, he makes us curious about things that are sinful, and too often we give in to that curiosity. The feeling of shame you have for indulging that curiosity is what he is after. Shame makes you turn away from Christ. Christ knows your sins, but He loves you and welcomes you to come to Him for forgiveness.

Yeah, good idea to go as soon as you are able. The sooner you repent, the sooner you'll recover the state of grace. Grace will heal the wound that the grave sin has created.

It sounds to me as if you are actually on the right track...
1. you're aware of the sin
2. you know the necessity to be reconciled
3. you strongly desire absolution

That's ALWAYS a recipe for a good result.

While you may feel a tremendous amount of remorse and guilt until you're able to get to confession, maybe it helps to look at that remorse/guilt as a bit of pre-penance. We all have crosses that burden us. Sin can hurt us in multiple ways. But I think you really should take heart that you will get to confession, that you'll make a good confession, that you will receive absolution and things will be right with the world.

Imagine how so much better you will feel once you hear the absolution!

In the interim, you may also find it helpful to recite an Act of Hope as often as find yourself in need of solace:

O, My God, relying on Thy almighty power and infinite mercy and promises, I hope to obtain pardon of my sins, the help of Thy grace, and Life Everlasting, through the merits of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Redeemer.

Indeed, Hope is on the way for you, my friend.

And if it helps further, I have a feeling that what you experienced might be more common than you think. Don't believe that you are the only one on earth who has had a similar experience. One of my priests said in a sermon once that he has heard absolutely EVERYTHING in the box, with the exception of a confession to murder. I think if we non-priests were to know what is said in a confessional, it would be enough to curl our toes and strip the paint off a house. But Christ is already aware of all our sins, even those yet to be committed. It is up to us to do our part, to help us help ourselves, by availing ourselves of the sacrament of confession. The door is always there; we need only knock.

Know that I have prayed for you!

Your feeling ashamed is the right action we all feel when we sin, use this knowledge and repentance and receive reconciliation as soon as you can. there is NOTHING you have done or can do that God does not want to forgive and purify you.

When memories of my impurity come to mind I pray that Jesus washes His blood over me and heals me. From this prayer I feel strengthened and renewed, I pray you may quickly feel the same healing.

You are loved by a God who died knowing you would fall, but REJOICES when you come back to Him through reconciliation, and the turning of your life back to Him... do not underestimate the power and graces received from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

prayers for your peace, and the healing of all relationships to strive for purity!