My faith has been dormant for several years. When I was younger I used to be so convinced of it all, that it was all real, that the Church was founded by Jesus Christ with Peter as its rock. The Sacraments, the Liturgy, all of it.

A while ago I realized I just didn't believe in it anymore. There was no revelation, it just stopped making sense to me and I could not feel God's presence.

Today as I was driving back home I was listening to music and I started to cry. I thought I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me through the music, that I could feel God with me in that moment. About ten minutes later still on my way home I passed a beautiful, large Catholic church that I had never noticed before. I knew this had to have been a sign from God, and on a Sunday afternoon, no less. I turned my car around and parked in the parking lot. I was excited to confess my sins, my doubt, all of it and be welcomed back into the fold.

The church was locked. I tried every door. The rectory, same thing. Their office was closed on Sundays. I rang the door bell, nothing. I drove around the back to see if maybe I could spot one of the priests, nothing.

I felt so empty and defeated, like I had been stood up. I was there, I showed up. God didn't. Now I can't help but think I didn't feel anything, that it wasn't anything more than really powerful brain chemistry making me emotional because of a song I enjoyed.

I don't know why I'm posting this here. It seemed like the only place to go, but it feels like I'm just rambling.

Thanks for sharing that.
Many people, even those that externally look strong Christians, go through a period of darkness. Some have an experience like yours.
God is calling you back to him.
We have Easter coming this weekend. Look up the time of the Mass and services and go. Even just to sit at the back.
Don't expect to have an emotional experience but do expect God to speak to you through the readings, homily, music etc.

God is "hidden" for most of us. We often fail to see Him in everyday events. The fact that you are here and folks are responding to your post indicates He is very present.

Not seeing or feeling His presence if often a sign he's trying to give you the grace of perseverance.

His hiddenness is also a great grace to all of us; it helps us reveal who we really are (our brokenness and sin). Why?

Imagine as a teenager how you would be if your father was always watching everything you do and say. He was visibly ever-present. While most of us would have gotten into a lost less trouble or made much better decisions, but the poor choices wouldn't have been made manifest with dad watching all the time. Those desires were still in us, but fear would prevent us from engaging; not love of dad.

God wants us to also love him and to amend our ways out of that love. Showing up all the time to keep an eye on us would prevent us from doing that.

At least that's how I understand things....

To the Australian gentleman, your reply made me tear up a bit. I'm not sure why but thank you for your post. I think I'll do that.

To the other person, thank you. It was beautiful. It's also very true, I wouldn't have done half the things I did if my dad was always watching over my shoulder. I was a bit of a punk and I knew he'd knock off my pedestal real quick if he saw the shenanigans I would get up to.

I was really upset yesterday. I tried to talk to God, so I could vent my rage. I took some mushrooms that an acquaintance had given me to see if that could help with anything. It made things funny for a while, but in terms of what really helped me... I'd say it was this forum. Thank you, to both of you. There are many people like me, who are lost and confused and trying to figure out the truth.

I'm suddenly reminded of the Passion of the Christ, where Pilate and Jesus are speaking to each other and Pilate says "Veritas? Quid est veritas?" I suppose we're all trying to figure that out.

Thank you again, both of you.

You're welcome!

As an aside, I'd stay away from mushrooms. As one who had a very misspent youth, I can say that they are useless unless used in a clinical setting, they don't really help anything.

I'll give the practical advice. Churches are run by human beings who do have days off and priests who also have committments. Look the parish up on the internet, call their number, find out what times there is confession, make an appointment with the office during the week (and know that during Holy Week schedules are all over the place). Signed, your friendly parish secretary

This might be a comfort to know. Pope Francis said this in one of his homilies at the beginning of covid.

People who cannot get to confession because of the coronavirus lockdown or another serious reason can go to God directly, be specific about their sins, request pardon and experience God’s loving forgiveness, Pope Francis said.

“This is the right time, the opportune moment. An act of contrition done well, and our souls will become white like the snow,” the pope said March 20 during his livestreamed morning Mass.

God welcomes every repentant sinner with open arms, he said. “It’s like going home.”

Lent is a special time “to let God wash us, purify us, to let God embrace us,” the pope said, and the best place for that is the confessional.

“But many people today would tell me, ‘Father, where can I find a priest, a confessor, because I can’t leave the house? And I want to make peace with the Lord, I want him to embrace me, I want the Father’s embrace.'”

The pope said his response would be, “Do what the Catechism (of the Catholic Church) says. It is very clear: If you cannot find a priest to confess to, speak directly with God, your father, and tell him the truth. Say, ‘Lord, I did this, this, this. Forgive me,’ and ask for pardon with all your heart.”

Make an act of contrition, the pope said, and promise God, “‘I will go to confession afterward, but forgive me now.’ And immediately you will return to a state of grace with God.”

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, N. 1452, says: “When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called ‘perfect’ — contrition of charity. Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.”

https://cruxnow.com/vatican/2020/03/if- ... -pope-says