Login Register

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic Page 1 of 2   [ 22 posts ]   Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Wedding questions
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 8:45 am 
Offline
Newbie
Newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 8:36 am
Posts: 2
My mom, the Catholic know-it-all, wasn't sure of the answer so I thought I'd try double check my question elsewhere:

I'm getting married in a year and a half-- but my fiance and I live out of town in comparison to ALL of our family and friends. I'm from a big Irish catholic family so my family alone is 150 people-- plus his family, our friends etc. The guest list is 300, we're expecting 250ish (I'm in Orlando so everyone is making a vacation out of it).

I would love to get married at my church(I need to find one I like right now I've been visiting a few in the area) and I know I can't do the mass since the fiance isn't catholic as well as half of the guests (I wouldn't do that to them).

My concern in doing it at a church in general is trying to find a way to transport everyone to and from the church! If I am not mistaken, you need to get married *IN* the church for it to be recongized by the church, but is there anywhere I can have a little ceremony at whatever resort we choose to have the reception(w/o a catholic priest because they can do outside weddings?) and then either have a private catholic wedding or somehow get it recongized after-the-fact?

:?: :?: :?:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:10 am 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder

Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 5:05 am
Posts: 2722
Location: Christe, Fili Dei vivi, miserere nobis!
Religion: Catholic
If you want to marry licitly outside your parish church, you need a permission from your parish priest. If you want to marry outside any Catholic church, then you need a permission from your bishop (obtained through the parish priest). You do need that anyway, since the other party is not Catholic. You might want to discuss this all with your parish priest. And why don't you do a cosy little Catholic wedding first and then celebrate in a resort of your choice? Celebrating without being actually married seems at least weird...

BTW, half the guests at my wedding were non-Catholics, as well, but we did have a beautiful nuptial Mass which certainly was an event to remember (and I mean in a positive way) for the non-Catholic family members and guests.

_________________
Max
Beate Hemminge, ora pro nobis!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:12 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2002 1:13 pm
Posts: 34073
Location: Midwest
Religion: Catholic
Yes you can do the Mass even if your fiance is not Catholic....if you choose not to that's one thing....just wanted you to know that you could have a Mass. :)

Yes you need to get married in the Church by a Catholic priest, unless you have a dispensation (as mentioned by Max).

No you cannot 'circumvent' Church teaching on weddings and get it recognized after the fact....you would be knowingly doing something you (now) know you shouldn't be doing.

Your marriage is a Sacrament. Are you sure you understand what that means?


SV

_________________
“Be sober and vigilant: because your enemy the devil, like a roaring lion, is roaming around seeking whom he might devour. Strong in faith, resist him knowing that the same affliction befalls your brethren who are in the world. ” 1 Peter 5:8-9.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:18 am 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
Here's what a friend of mine did.

They had a nice, pleasant, private Catholic ceremony in the morning with just the maid of honor and best man and parents. Then later in the day, they asked the priest to do a renewal of the vows outside.

The only problem with this is...it does cause a bit of scandal because it LOOKS like the priest is doing a wedding outside of the church and gives the false impression to others that it can be done legitimately. However, the priest can, if he does the renewal of vows for you, announce that you are renewing your vows for your friends and family though you had your wedding privately that morning, so such a large group of people wouldn't have to travel from one place to another. Your guests may appreciate the gesture even more, then. But you need to make this distinction, or else everyone's gonna think (quite wrongly) that Catholics CAN be married outside a church and pass that incorrect information on. And that's called the sin of scandal.

But - to be honest - MOST people don't care about traveling from one place to another. It's generally accepted that you're gonna do that. You give them directions to the Church and directions from the Church to the reception. And a lot of times people follow eachother anyway.

Really, it's no big deal to have a church wedding and have everyone travel from one place to another. As I said, wedding guests usually expect that.
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Last edited by sparky on Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:23 am 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
Oh, and one more thing. To have a marriage by a "minister" is courting heresy. It shows that you may not understand the gravity of the sacrament of marriage and why it is a sacrament. All sacraments are performed in the church. So, here's my question - do you understand why this is? And why marriage is a sacrament? Let's talk about that a bit.
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:43 am 
Offline
Eminent
Eminent
User avatar

Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 11:59 am
Posts: 16592
Religion: Католик
The Church does prefer that a wedding take place in the Church before a priest or a deacon.

_________________
ABORTUS NECNON INFANTICIDIUM NEFANDA SUNT CRIMINA.

Abortion and infanticide are abominable crimes. (Gaudium et Spes, 51)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:54 am 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
lbt wrote:
The Church does prefer that a wedding take place in the Church before a priest or a deacon.


It more than prefers it. It requires it by canon law. To do otherwise requires a bishop's approval.
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:06 pm 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:37 pm
Posts: 1168
Location: A Native of the Pacific Islands
Religion: Catholic
Church Affiliations: Mass in Usus Antiquior
Yes, and getting a Bishop's permission can definitely be difficult. Many people here in Hawaii try to get dispensations to have weddings on the beach. Very few (very very few) ever get permission.

_________________
NativeCatholic


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:22 pm 
Offline
Newbie
Newbie

Joined: Wed Oct 25, 2006 8:36 am
Posts: 2
Wedding guests expect they'll have to go from church to reception but they are already getting plane tickets, hotel room etc etc... I'm going to have 100+ lost guests in rental cars or get buses to ship people back and forth?

I like the idea of a private ceremony and then the renewal of vows later on, making sure everyone knows the ceremony already took place. And about the mass, my fiance knows its super important to have a catholic wedding but he reallllly doesn't want a whole mass.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:19 pm 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
Minet wrote:
Wedding guests expect they'll have to go from church to reception but they are already getting plane tickets, hotel room etc etc... I'm going to have 100+ lost guests in rental cars or get buses to ship people back and forth?


Actually, I did that in NYC but I didn't have as many people. You might price it out and see if it's feasible. We got one bus, and had the whole wedding party in the bus (+ some of those without cars) and those who wanted to drive followed the bus.

Quote:
I like the idea of a private ceremony and then the renewal of vows later on, making sure everyone knows the ceremony already took place. And about the mass, my fiance knows its super important to have a catholic wedding but he reallllly doesn't want a whole mass.


Doing just the Liturgy of the Word and vows is acceptable. My brother did that as well as he married a non-Catholic.
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:26 am 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
BTW - I might add that since everyone followed the bus, no one got lost and they had a long way to go. :)
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Wedding questions
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:01 am 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2003 12:47 am
Posts: 15262
Religion: Catholic (SSPX)
Minet wrote:

My concern in doing it at a church in general is trying to find a way to transport everyone to and from the church!


I don't understand why you're so worried about everybody else on your wedding day.

What you need to do is let everybody arrange whatever transportation they need to arrange and then you need to provide directions to/from church/hotel(s)/reception site ... I don't know why any guest would expect the bride to figure out a way to get them to/from ANYWHERE!

I assume you're blocking rooms at least at one hotel and probably two...
have copies of the directions at the front desk of each hotel BEFORE people check into their rooms. Have more copies at the church.
People will find their way to the reception.

Quote:
If I am not mistaken, you need to get married *IN* the church for it to be recongized by the church, but is there anywhere I can have a little ceremony at whatever resort we choose to have the reception(w/o a catholic priest because they can do outside weddings?) and then either have a private catholic wedding or somehow get it recongized after-the-fact?

:?: :?: :?:


In my opinion, you've got your (Catholic) priorities all mixed up.
You seem more concerned about the working the wedding around the reception instead of the other way around.

If you're worried about people getting lost in a town they don't know --- sheesh... we're talking about ADULT guests, right? They'll figure it out.
If I'm reading what you're writing, it goes something like this:
"nobody knows the town, so they're gonna get lost between the church and the reception... therefore, we should just have an invalid wedding and big party and then come back and have the marriage convalidated in/by the Church after the fact."

If that's a true assessment of the situation, then, personally, I find that really messed up and really misguided.

Take my opinion with a grain of salt --- If you want to have a Catholic marriage, then why try and weasle a way around what the Church requires? Quite frankly, if you're overly concerned with this, then you should have a very small, private wedding in a church with a priest. Then go on the honeymoon. Then, when you get back, have a HUGE party/reception. But somehow, I figure that won't really work because I'm sure you want everybody to be there for the wedding... which is understandable.

I guess I just don't understand why a church wedding and a reception seems to be such an obstacle, but granted, I don't really know all the logistical details of the situation either...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:15 am 
Offline
Handmaids of the Lord
Handmaids of the Lord
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 03, 2004 3:15 pm
Posts: 5544
Location: Buffalo
Religion: Catholic
I'm with Tango here. I can understand wanting to be a good hostess for all your out-of-town guests, but you can only do so much. There will be a lot of out-of-towners at my wedding too, and there is a 20 minute drive between our church and the reception site... that's just the way things worked out. We will be providing maps and directions for our guests to find their way around. They are adults. Think about it: if your guests are making a vacation out of coming to your wedding, are you going to transport them around to ALL the things they want to see and do? I wouldn't worry about it so much, I don't think driving from one place to another is unexpected, and no matter what you do someone is going to gripe anyway. Plan a nice church wedding if that's what you want. Your big Irish Catholic family would probably like that. :) People will make it from one place to another just fine!

Others have mentioned that you should be thinking about the sacrament and the marriage and not just the wedding. And I'm sure you are. :) Focus on the fact that the sacrament is the center of your celebration, and let everything else fall into place around that. Your guests want to witness your actual marriage, not the replay. They aren't coming just to have a vacation with a big party in the middle!

If your fiance's family is anti-Catholic that does complicate things too. Good luck to you.

_________________
Leslie Erin Therese

ImageImage
ImageImage
ImageImage
ImageImage
Pippin, 2016


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:37 am 
Offline
Tazer Queen
Tazer Queen
User avatar

Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 9:18 am
Posts: 20573
Location: Where it is always 1895.
Religion: Catholic
I actually do see Tango and Peachsabres point here.

It is so easy to have this happen for brides these days. You're so worried about throwing this big party, that you forget how important the reason for the party is.

What is important here? Is it the party? Or is the fact that you are entering into a sacrament, blessed by God, that will shape the rest of your life?

My opinion from the beginning of this is has been that people expect to go from one place to another for a wedding celebration. If they expect it, they know they're gonna have to drive. They're going to have to get directions, or follow someone else.
Tango is right - you should not have to worry about them on your wedding day.

My wedding reception was a good 45 minutes away from where I got married. I was married in Queens, NYC and got my people (and all of them made it) up into Tarrytown in Westchester County, New York, about 30 miles north of the city.

If I can do that. You can do the same thing.

Just go ahead and married in the church. Have a nice church wedding. GEt a papal blessing if you want. And let those people find their way to your reception. It REALLY isn't that big of a deal.

Remember - it is not the party that is the most important thing. It is the sacrament.

God bless.
--Ann

_________________
http://www.annmargaretlewis.comImage
http://www.catholicwritersguild.com
http://www.catholicwritersconference.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 12:39 pm 
Offline
Crazy Kitteh Lady
Crazy Kitteh Lady
User avatar

Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 6:09 pm
Posts: 8819
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Religion: Catholic
I would just like to throw my 2 cents in here too!

It angers me to no end that it seems most weddings these days are more focused on the party than the actual wedding itself. This goes for both the individuals being married as well as the people attending the wedding.

I've heard stories of engaged couples coming to a priest and just saying "oh...okay.. pick whatever readings and stuff you want" :shock: :shock: :shock: Why would they not want to be invovled in this process??? They don't care...thats why.

And attendees of wedding love to skip the wedding itself and just come out and party. Sad.

Luckily...most of my family and friends are fairly good "church goers". I was surprised at the number that came to my wedding. (The actual church part).

And after almost a year and a half of planning...... I wanted that sucker dragged out as long as possible. :D

It was "mega Catholic". Although not all of them could do it... we invited 5 priests, 1 deacon, and 1 bishop to the event and also invited them to concelebrate. Only a couple could.

Yea... consequence of having a lot of priest friends. Our main celebrant called it the "wedding of the century". ::):


So..uh.... don't worry about it! It will work out!

End Rant :D

_________________
~SuperCathNorman~

I glow, therefore I am.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 2:18 pm 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:37 pm
Posts: 1168
Location: A Native of the Pacific Islands
Religion: Catholic
Church Affiliations: Mass in Usus Antiquior
My wife chose Ephesians 5 for a reading.... Yes she did :thumbsup: Of course she made the reader put emphasis on the husbands love your wives as CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.

The homily that Fr. gave was awesome. Calling on and challenging not only my wife and I but every married couple in attendence.

I have a holy wife. She challenges me to be more a man everyday

_________________
NativeCatholic


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:01 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 23, 2002 1:13 pm
Posts: 34073
Location: Midwest
Religion: Catholic
She's trying to get you to heaven!!


SV

_________________
“Be sober and vigilant: because your enemy the devil, like a roaring lion, is roaming around seeking whom he might devour. Strong in faith, resist him knowing that the same affliction befalls your brethren who are in the world. ” 1 Peter 5:8-9.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:11 pm 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder
User avatar

Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:37 pm
Posts: 1168
Location: A Native of the Pacific Islands
Religion: Catholic
Church Affiliations: Mass in Usus Antiquior
:amen:

_________________
NativeCatholic


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:40 am 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder

Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 5:05 am
Posts: 2722
Location: Christe, Fili Dei vivi, miserere nobis!
Religion: Catholic
Minet wrote:
And about the mass, my fiance knows its super important to have a catholic wedding but he reallllly doesn't want a whole mass.

Minet, this combined with some other things you said (namely that you don't want to have a nuptial Mass because you wouldn't "do it" to the guests) makes me wonder about your attitude towards Mass. It sounds as if Mass, for you, were a source of suffering that you don't want to subject your fiance and his relatives to. In that case, all this talk is not about the guests but about you not wanting to endure lengthy Church services.

If that is not the case and you actually do enjoy the liturgy of the Church, then I'm sorry, but even so I'd ask you to reconsider a couple of things.

First of all, it is your wedding, not the guests', and the main purpose of it is not to make them happy, but for you and your future spouse to enter your religious vocation, give yourselves to each other without reserve. That is a hard task, many would say impossible without God's help. Thinking about this might make you notice that possible inconvenience on the guests' part is none of your concern. We had a 20-minute drive from the church where we got married to the scene of the reception, on small and ill-signed Polish country roads, with half the guests not even being able to speak any Polish. We did organise a bus, and heard no complaint whatsoever about the distance.

Another thing is that, unfortunately, it seems you are already starting to give in to your future spouse with regards to your Catholic faith. He doesn't want to endure a whole Mass, so I won't make him. What is next? He finds it troublesome that you go to Mass on Sundays? Well then, I don't really have to annoy him with all these religious practices he finds silly/boring/superfluous/wrong/you name it. Is he really able to help you with the Catholic upbringing of your children? I have just seen too many cases where the example of the non-Catholic parent has made futile any attempts of religious education in a child not to mention gradually extinguishing the practice of the faith in the Catholic spouse.

_________________
Max
Beate Hemminge, ora pro nobis!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 10:32 am 
Offline
Sons of Thunder
Sons of Thunder
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2003 12:47 am
Posts: 15262
Religion: Catholic (SSPX)
Cowboy Max wrote:
Minet wrote:
And about the mass, my fiance knows its super important to have a catholic wedding but he reallllly doesn't want a whole mass.

Minet, this combined with some other things you said (namely that you don't want to have a nuptial Mass because you wouldn't "do it" to the guests) makes me wonder about your attitude towards Mass. It sounds as if Mass, for you, were a source of suffering that you don't want to subject your fiance and his relatives to. In that case, all this talk is not about the guests but about you not wanting to endure lengthy Church services.

If that is not the case and you actually do enjoy the liturgy of the Church, then I'm sorry, but even so I'd ask you to reconsider a couple of things.

First of all, it is your wedding, not the guests', and the main purpose of it is not to make them happy, but for you and your future spouse to enter your religious vocation, give yourselves to each other without reserve. That is a hard task, many would say impossible without God's help. Thinking about this might make you notice that possible inconvenience on the guests' part is none of your concern. We had a 20-minute drive from the church where we got married to the scene of the reception, on small and ill-signed Polish country roads, with half the guests not even being able to speak any Polish. We did organise a bus, and heard no complaint whatsoever about the distance.

Another thing is that, unfortunately, it seems you are already starting to give in to your future spouse with regards to your Catholic faith. He doesn't want to endure a whole Mass, so I won't make him. What is next? He finds it troublesome that you go to Mass on Sundays? Well then, I don't really have to annoy him with all these religious practices he finds silly/boring/superfluous/wrong/you name it. Is he really able to help you with the Catholic upbringing of your children? I have just seen too many cases where the example of the non-Catholic parent has made futile any attempts of religious education in a child not to mention gradually extinguishing the practice of the faith in the Catholic spouse.


I didn't really want to say that...
... so I'm glad someone else did.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic Page 1 of 2   [ 22 posts ]   Go to page 1, 2  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


Jump to:  
cron