gherkin wrote:
Of course, in one sense I agree with all this. For example, I cannot understand sending children to public school, or even most Catholic schools. It's never been something my wife and I have even
considered. But I must, of course, refrain from harshly judging other Catholic parents who don't grasp the seriousness of the situation. After all, they themselves probably went to school, and think of school as the norm. Breaking out of that position sometimes requires an enormous evil, and even then it's often not fully rational. I've spoken to parents who, after school massacres, express a desire to take their kids out of school because they're worried about school massacres. My reaction is--aren't you worried about the disgusting pornography that your kids are viewing on their smartphones every day? (My kids don't have phones. They do not have the kind of inescapable social pressure--and, I understand, oftentimes school requirements--to have them that school kids have. School means smartphones these days. Homeschool gives a relatively easy way to resist that. This parenthetical is supposed to explain why I am, in the sentence prior to it, apparently equating going to school and having a smartphone.

It's because I sort of am. Though I grant that, of course, many homeschooled kids have smartphones, too.) But if massacres are what wakes you up and gets you to take your kids out of school, so be it.
Anyway, yes, unfortunately we are in a situation where things are so bad that to save our souls we often must simply opt out of what is culturally normal. But that's not normal or desirable. And it's not how we're wired, IMHO.
At this point, I think the post-moribund horse has been pounded enough. (Yeah, I know I do that. But I like messing with clichés. The cliché can be so apropos, but so overused. And playing with words is fun. I need to use my English B.A. somehow. After all, I paid for it.) My real take from all of this is that I am appreciative that we, all included, could actually examine an issue in some depth, with candor and zeal and conviction but without rancor and incivility. I have, of late, missed doing that in DCF. And have wondered to what degree I have contributed to causing it to be missed. But, thank you all for what has been an exchange that has caused me to think and to modify my certainties, although not abandon them.
I am not attempting to have the last word, but my kids did have (the equivalent) of cell phones. Of course, they were programmed so that they could only call emergency numbers, their grandparents, and their Mom and Dad. They were not homeschooled. That requires a level of commitment that we did not have, so I salute you.
And a final anecdote, let me tell you about my kids' college funds. We began saving for our kids college by setting up a fund for each .... at birth. It accumulated nicely, but not nearly as much as the growing cost of college. So, when we were choosing schools, cost became a major issue. The kids had to work during high school and put the majority of their wages into their college funds. It still looked like it wasn't going to be enough, so the choice of which college to attend became even more critical. One ended up going out of country and the other found a way to have his college paid for.
We got lucky. My older went to school in British Columbia. The BC Parliament decided, oh joy, to freeze tuition in the Provincial universities ... so our costs did not increase over four years. Moreover, the exchange rate between the US and Canadian dollar changed enough that we actually paid a bit less each year of his schooling.
However, my older decided that he wanted to move off campus with other brain-dead, testosterone crazed males of his acquaintance. He explained how cost effective it would be. I, having been a brain-dead, testosterone crazed young male, immediately saw the financial pitfalls in such a choice. So, I gambled. Much to my wife's skepticism, I turned over my son's college fund to him. I explained that his college financing was up to him and that his college fund was his to use as he decided. I also said that, if any money was left in the fund after graduation, it was his. He asked what would happen if he ran out of money because, he earnestly explained, he might have to attend school for an additional semester due to various reasons purportedly out of his control. I replied that, in such a case, I hoped he had enough in his personal reserve to pay for that additional time. Or that he needed to consider what sort of a job he would get after he dropped out to earn enough to return to finish school.
Now, my son had made a major expenditure at the end of his sophomore year. He bought a new car. He had saved enough over the years to afford a basic, bottom of the line new car. And he desperately wanted to have a car at university, cause it was convenient and cool and status granting and stuff. Apparently, the trail bicycle, formerly mine, that I had given him to get around at university, was no longer satisfactory. In our family, as pater familias, I approved the major financial decisions, like buying a car, of my minor children. I agreed. But I pointed out that buying a new car would nearly exhaust his personal savings -- and the consequences would be his to bear. He bought the car. And, unbeknownst to him, I had decided that it was time for him to begin to drive back and forth to university ... to head out on solo road trips as part of growing up and being cast out into the real world.
At about this time, he fell in love with motorcycles. Hey, he had just bought a new car. And he had this hefty college fund, which certainly had enough to satisfy his college expenses and that shiny new bike -- who needs to do the math? Why not, he reasoned, also get a new motorcycle? For various brain-dead, testosterone crazed reasons. His Mom panicked. I nearly panicked. She said that we had to pull back his college fund, pointing out that he was brain-dead and testosterone crazed. I gritted my teeth and said we would stay the course. Because, whatever, the consequences, we would not intervene. He was going to have to live with his decisions. And then I prayed. A lot. Asking God to take the shine off any new, used, or wrecked motorcycle that happened to catch our son's eye.
So, there he is. Going into his senior year with maybe enough money to finish two semesters if he stayed in the dorm, but certainly not enough to make it through three semesters and, based upon experience, not enough to cover the unexpected and unplanned expenses attendant with moving off campus. Stuff like meals. With motorcycles dancing in what passed for his brain.
Later he told me what had caused him to decide to stay on campus and not get a bike. Was it the sterling role model that his father had presented him? Nope. Was it the detailed financial calculations he had finally made, combined with risk analysis, that convinced him that off campus and a motorcycle was likely to prevent his on-time graduation? Nope. Was it a growing sense of maturity and financial responsibility that tamped the testosterone and kicked in his brain cells? Nope.
Later, he told me that a light flashed on in his brain and he suddenly realized that the college fund was actually now
his money -- and that any balance was going to be
his. It wasn't his parents'. While he saw no problem spending our money, he certainly wasn't going to waste the money he was going to have upon graduation. It was
his. Our boy had finally grown up. He graduated with a nice chunk of money that, combined with several part-time jobs, positioned him financially to support himself until he moved on to his current employment.
Thank you all. And to all, a good night.