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 Post subject: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abortion
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:41 pm 
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I'll just say this the way it is. I'm not quite sure where to post it, but hopefully people who may be able to offer helpful advice will see it here.

I am against abortion, not just in theory but in practice. I got pregnant when I shouldn't have when unmarried and only in a relationship for a couple of months. The father did not want us to get married. Several people suggested I should have an abortion, but I chose to have the beautiful daughter who is now the most important person in my life.

However, I have a friend who is now 32 years old who has recently revealed that she had an abortion ten years ago when she was 22 (a few years before I first met her) and she is going through an extremely desperate and traumatic time right now because of Christian "friends" who are making her feel so bad about herself that she is suicidal. My friend became a Christian a few years ago but now some of her Christian "friends" have made her feel wretched about herself because she had an abortion which they say is murder, so now my friend is tormented because she thinks they think of her as a murderer and the idea that she is a murderer has been put into her head, and she is now in turmoil and suffering severe depression including suicidal thoughts.

I've only said a few words to her so far, on Facebook, but I'll be meeting up with her very soon to be a supportive friend to her in a time of need.

However, I don't know how to be supportive to her and help her feel better about herself without appearing to endorse her decision to have an abortion. Some of her Christian "friends" have told her that God will forgive her for what she did, but she says "God will forgive me for what? For murdering my baby? So that means I am a murderer." She can't get this thought out of her head, that she murdered her baby, whereas before she told her Christian friends about her abortion, she never had such a low opinion of herself.

How can I be supportive to her and help her to be free of the guilt that could be so severe that she could take her own life, without at the same time appearing to suggest that abortion might not be wrong?

Several people including myself have already suggested that counselling can help her, but I also suggested that supportive friends can help her, and I want to be one of those supportive friends. But how can I be supportive to her without on the one hand appearing to condone her decision to have an abortion and without on the other hand exacerbating the guilt she is feeling which is endangering her life?


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:09 pm 
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If there are Rachel's Vineyard retreats in your area, you might encourage her to attend one. It can be really hard to get someone to do that, but this is one of the rare cases where pushing can be called for.

http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/

There's an 800 number there she can call too.

:pray:

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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:10 pm 
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BTW, what you're describing in your friend is a fairly typical frame of mind for a woman who's had an abortion (and, to some degree, to a man whose child was aborted, especially if he pushed for it). That doesn't make it easier for her to bear, but it might help a little if you can tell her she's far from the only one who's ever felt that way.

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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:06 am 
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Thank you for that. My friend and I live in England but I googled and see that there are Rachel's Vineyards in England too. My friend is not Catholic, never was and unlikely to ever be, but it's good to know such an organisation exists. I don't think my friend is imminently in danger of suicide but talk of suicide should always be taken seriously. She is in deep depression and turmoil. When I meet up with her I just don't want to say anything which will reinforce the guilt and negativity she is feeling about herself. But at the same time I don't want to say you didn't do anything wrong. I am quite sure she is not a "murderer", and untrained people need to be very careful about what they say if they truly care about human life.


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:55 am 
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I believe that RVR works with people of any faith.

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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2019 5:33 pm 
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Denise,

Many years ago I was trained to be a volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, and did that for five years.

Besides helping both married and single mothers with needs for their baby, we also referred depressed women who had abortions to Rachel's Vineyard retreats.

Besides that there were several volunteers at our Center who were happy to counsel and meet with those women who became depressed over their choice for abortion in the past.

God is good and is always there for us with His mercy, if we desire it.

Perhaps there is a Crisis Pregnancy Center nearby that she can go to for free counseling.

God bless you for keeping your baby.

Peace,

Dorothy


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2019 1:50 pm 
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Thanks for your kind words, Dorothy. My friend is not a very close friend and I don't have much influence as to where she might go for counselling. But she is a friend and I wish to be supportive when I meet up with her probably next week but at the same time I do not wish to be supportive of her decision to have an abortion and yet I do not want to make her feel any more bad about herself than she feels already as it's causing her mental health to seriously deteriorate. Do you see my difficulty?


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2019 3:22 pm 
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Denise,

I understand your difficulty in how to approach that in conversation.

On my desk I made a note to myself to pray for wisdom from the Holy Spirit to enter the conversation you have with her.

Peace,

Dorothy


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:19 pm 
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Denise Dee wrote:
I'll
Several people including myself have already suggested that counselling can help her, but I also suggested that supportive friends can help her, and I want to be one of those supportive friends. But how can I be supportive to her without on the one hand appearing to condone her decision to have an abortion and without on the other hand exacerbating the guilt she is feeling which is endangering her life?

I am thankful for people who continue to support someone despite this kind of past act. I understand some of the reasons why women think of abortion. but all those reasons can be logically and compassionately dealt wth, without making someone feel like a worthless human being.

the past is the past. No amount of guilt or whatever will bring the child back. And then there is the thought that everyone has things in his or her past that are cringe worhty, so I dont see how anyone can judge and condemn. Those friends dont sound terribly Christian.. or even like they were ever true friends


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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2019 6:19 pm 
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Obi-Wan Kenobi wrote:
I believe that RVR works with people of any faith.


It does, people of every faith are welcome.

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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2019 6:22 pm 
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Tell your friend that Satan knows our name, but calls us by our sins.

Jesus knows our sins, but calls us by our name.

That "friends" who are heaping guilt on her are not reflecting the love of Christ.

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 Post subject: Re: Christians risking driving my friend to suicide for abor
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2019 1:39 pm 
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women who have found themselves in desperate situations are far more understandable vis a vis abortion than the "doctors" who know exactly what they are doing

I tend to think you must have sold your soul completely to the devil to do somethign like that


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