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 Post subject: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 1:58 pm 
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Religion: Catholic
Hi all

I am a newbie and a practicing catholic. I am at a stage in my life where I feel I should stop praying for my father to change his ways. He has committed adultery several times in his marriage. he has even had an illegitimate child in all his affairs. Five years ago I told me Mother to separate herself from him because he won't change. Anywy fast forward to yesterday, after forgiving him for his infedelity of many years ago, he is back at it again. This from a self professed" I have changed my ways" man. He went to church yesterday took communion even sang in the choir and got into a terrible fight with my mother because she accused him of another affair after find a hotel receipt and contraception in his wallet. I am disgusted. I truly don't know what to do. I feel like I am always in the miiddle of them. I am so distracted by their problem that I categorized every man as being the same. It's really disappointing. One day I want a husband but when I see my parents marriage it's highly disheartening. I am confused. Are my prayers being wasted, trying to get my father to change? Am I even in the correct space of mind to even get married? I don't know if there is some special prayer that I can pray to help me through this. Because I just don't know what to do.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:20 pm 
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Jedi Master
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Joined: Tue Dec 31, 2002 9:55 am
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May I ask about how old you are? Teens? Early 20s? I'm asking because the best advice depends somewhat on your particular situation.

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Nos autem in nomine Domini Dei nostri

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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 2:27 pm 
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Location: The Old Forest
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First off, I don't know what to say. Now that that's out of the way I will share my thoughts, such as they are.

I assume you are an adult and don't live at home. Either way much of what I say would be the same.

Don't meddle in your parents marriage. It doesn't work. They changed your diaper, that's how it works. They aren't going to listen to you. Consequently, try not to fret about it. Pray for them. That's what you can do.

There are plenty of ways you can improve your odds of having a happy marriage, and a faithful spouse. Waiting until marriage to be intimate. Rationally examining your potential spouse and yourself. Picking a good one. That's done by thinking about the things you are looking for and knowing how to recognize such qualities. Find a man, or young man, as it may be, who is or will grow to be, a decent man with depth of character. Not one of the ones who is shallow and superficial and whatnot the way the vast majority are anymore. He has to have principles and things he believes in, with the caveat that those things are worthwhile.

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- Justice Scalia, dissent, King v. Burwell.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:50 am 
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Hi Obi, I am in the 30 range.

Bombadil. My mom makes it difficult because she always discusses my Dad with us her children. But I understand where you are coming from.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 8:08 am 
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Jedi Master
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Bombadil said most of what I would have said, then.

I have a reading recommendation for you: Making Peace With Your Father. This doesn't necessarily involve ever having a face-to-face with him or reaching a good relationship with him, though that can happen. It does involve coming to terms within yourself about what he has and hasn't been for you, which will free you to pursue relationships better.

I encourage you to keep praying for your father. We never know when and how our prayers will take effect.

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Nos autem in nomine Domini Dei nostri

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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:37 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:20 am
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Religion: Catholic
Obi. Thanks. I started reading the book. Very insightful


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 Post subject: Re: Losing Hope
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 6:11 pm 
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Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:45 pm
Posts: 42
Location: USA
Religion: Catholic
Your fathers sins are his own, they do not represent the behavior of all men. Remember that always. God will judge him, pray he repents for his sins.


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