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 Post subject: Forgiveness
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2020 11:21 am 
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I need advice on forgiveness, and what constitutes the forgiveness we are supposed to give - as opposed to being a doormat. Moving on from someone and forgiving them from afar is what I consider forgiveness - to help me get through my own life... my husband who constantly lied and cheated on me since I've known him, calls me unforgiving and worse than him because of it.


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 Post subject: Re: Forgiveness
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 12:20 pm 
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Welcome to our board. I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I agree that there can come a time in a relationship where the only thing to do is forgive but maintain separate space. Where that line might be, especially in a marriage, I can't really guess. Is there somewhere you can seek some counseling?


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 Post subject: Re: Forgiveness
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 3:54 pm 
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NonnyM wrote:
I need advice on forgiveness, and what constitutes the forgiveness we are supposed to give - as opposed to being a doormat. Moving on from someone and forgiving them from afar is what I consider forgiveness - to help me get through my own life... my husband who constantly lied and cheated on me since I've known him, calls me unforgiving and worse than him because of it.


Welcome. And and repeat Zeno's sentiments and I will offer prayers for you in your difficult time.

Forgiveness, as St. Augustine put it, is the resistance and/or the putting away of the temptation and desire to seek vengeance against someone for the wrong that you suffered.

Now, that's really all there is to forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to suppress your own anger at being wronged. It doesn't mean that you have to forget about what was done to you or that you have to immediately just accept someone's apologies.

Reconciliation is a much different story. You've suffered a serious betrayal, and you have every right to set whatever conditions necessarily in order to begin to reconcile with what he has done. And you are certainly not "worse" than him because you have set conditions or established borders or not instantly allowed him back in as if nothing really happened.

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"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise."


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 Post subject: Re: Forgiveness
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 4:49 pm 
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I demur slightly. It is better to accept an apology when offered, but that does not mean that you have to reset the situation to the way it was before the injury occurred.

His final paragraph is correct.

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